I have an iPhone 5C or 5S
Don’t upgrade. I mean, let’s say you have a lot of money and can afford to upgrade. I understand what you are thinking. Yes, it makes a sort of financial sense to keep the latest model because you ultimately pay so much for your contract. But think of the rare earth minerals and the environmental cost associated with your phone. Hang onto it for two years; it’s the right thing to do. I know this is a harder sell if you have a 5C—which, let’s be honest, you were dumb to buy. But if you bought a 5C in the first place, clearly performance isn’t your main purchasing factor. Hold off for another year and hug an elm tree and give it a kiss and tell it you love it and that you are here for it.
I have an iPhone 5 (or earlier) that I’m happy with
Your carrier will likely subsidize the bajoodles out of a new model, and if you’re still happy with that old phone you’ll love a new one. Go ahead and treat yourself. You’re going to love it.
I take lots of pictures
The iPhone 5S has one of the best cameras of any phone on the market–certainly better than any Android handset and topped only by a few Windows Phone models from Nokia. The 6 and 6 Plus blow the 5S camera away. Not only is build quality better, but the iOS 8 API is the first that opens the camera’s exposure controls to third-party developers, so prepare yourself for a new slew of apps that let you control the shutter, ISO, white balance, and focus directly. That combination is going to be hard to top.
I take lots of pictures of myself and my significant other while naked
Yes we know Apple is making a lot of throat noises about security and privacy and has taken out an advertisement to this effect. But it has a long and storied track record of not really giving a damn about security until things get embarrassing. That it didn’t know, or didn’t care, that people were hacking accounts and openly discussing it online is indicative of Apple’s larger problems. Even today, even after multiple embarrassing episodes, Apple’s security is still an awful lot of hype. Here are a few tips on how to improve it. If you want, need, and demand security for your data, the iPhone isn’t a good choice. Sorry. Have you checked out Windows Phone? Security through obscurity, brah.
I am a video addict
If you want to shoot video or use burst mode, buy the iPhone 6 or 6 Plus.
Phase-detection autofocus (Apple is giving it their own marketing spin by calling it Focus Pixels) means that the autofocus system will not search in and out like contrast-detection AF systems. This should translate to much smoother video that keeps everything in focus without fading in and out—especially when a subject is moving toward or away from the lens. It should also keep focus sharp from shot-to-shot in its 10fps continuous-shot mode.
I live in Google’s services
Gmail, Maps, Calendar, and Drive are cross-platform, sure. But they’re also far more powerful and efficient on Android, thanks to things like (true) widgets that you can drop on the home screen. It’s no surprise that Google’s services work best on Android where they can be deeply embedded into the operating system. If you’re one of those Google power users, and you aren’t already on Android, you should give it a shot.
I like to customize my phone
This is so easy I almost can’t believe I am writing it down with words on a screen. If you want to mod your phone, if you want to make that OS work just the way you want it, get an Android device. I mean, unless by “customize your phone” you mean put it in a case. If you just want a case, get an iPhone.
I want to use my phone to pay for stuff
If you do, get an iPhone. Before you blast me, yes I am well aware of Google Wallet and have used Android’s tap to pay function literally hundreds of times to make tens of successful purchases. Or I mean, at least ten. Maybe. Apple’s attention to detail and end-to-end control of the ecosystem is going to give it a big leg up in payments. If you’re tired of toting your wallet, get an iPhone.
I want to use NFC for things other than paying for stuff
Apple has locked down the NFC chip in its phone so it can only be used for Apple Pay. If you want to use it for exchanging contacts, checking the fare on your transit card, or whatever else, you’re out of luck. No iPhone for you!
I want to play games on my phone
Apps are bar none the strongest selling point of the iOS ecosystem. Games in particular often come to iOS months before Android or Windows Phone (if they ever come at all). But Apple’s new Metal API for iOS 8 will mean that even when games do come to Android or Windows Phone, they probably won’t look as good, or move as quickly. And if this is the kind of thing you care about, shooter, the iPhone 6 and 6 Plus hardware is going to be core to your experience.
I am clumsy
You there, with the shattered glass. You know who you are. Hey, no shame, my phone is smashed too. But the new iPhone is notoriously slick. The first person to buy one in Perth, Australia dropped his phone on the ground. So too did a Wall Street Journal reporter. So too has WIRED’s Christina Bonnington, who reports that “the brushed aluminum is slick, and since there are no edges for your hand to hold onto, it’s easy for it to slip through your grasp.” If you are a case-averse phone-dropper, you may want something with a more tactile back, like Nokia’s Lumia line.
I want the coolest phone on the market
If you want to roll like a cool teen, or cool old Anna Wintour, without a doubt you should get a flip phone. Be the cool you want to see in the world.
Hey, it’s just a suggestion.